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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?